this day

today has finally arrived.

mummy, i'm proud of your courage to finally decide to do this.
you must believe that it is for the greater good.
i know you must be in so much pain and fear.
but yet, you are trying and have been trying to contain it all within yourself. as you always do.

i'm sorry i can't be there with you mum. but you must believe we're there beside you, wishing you strength and hope.
i'm praying for your safety and the success of the operation.

be strong mummy.
i'll see you soon.

You Found Me - The Fray

out of it

fed-up would best describe how i feel today.

bad sucky start to my morning.

so she fell down the stairs, now she's limping worst than ever before.
in a span of 2 days again she decided to be fickle-minded.
what is so difficult about it, i just don't get it.

now its his turn to be unwell. stressed from all the unnecessary drama she has been giving him.
im glad he is not as stubborn
i did tell him today, that i'm very very proud of him to remain cool and patient thru it all.
but unfortunately, those are just words. the damage is done.
now his health is paying for it - unknowingly.

everyone is aging. and there's no way to stop it.
i hate to see them in this poor state of their being.
so fragile.

just the other night, i was out with them buying groceries for church, when i saw him carry all those heavy stuffs, he tripped n almost knocked himself. but thankfully, he didnt.
thats when she passed a comment saying that he's drunk.
n so i told her off very quickly... he's not drunk. theres no way he cud be bcos he didnt even have a drop of alcohol. he's just OLD.

indeed, OLD is the word.
AGING too perhaps.
it's time to face it.

as cool & calm as i'm trying to be, as objective as i try to remain,
somethings are just not within my control all the time.
mood & emotions are terribly volatile of late.

no matter what, i'm thankful for my girlfriends.
i know i can talk to them and be comforted.
and i'm glad they understand me.

Inspirational Speech by Dr. Randy Pausch On the Oprah Winfrey Show: The Last Lecture. Dr. Pausch Passed Away On July 25, 2008

heart-full

here i am again, about to rant.
good ol' trusty blog, my all time favourite sounding board =)
just hope it doesnt hate me for always typing out my random thots & feelings

well it's 5 days to mum's op.
ya ok fine, im worried and not the most positive of people now, admittedly.

keep wondering how things will be like when she'll be in bed most of the time...
it's at times like this that i realise how i've taken my mum for granted all these years...
just a woman at home who's got hardly any ambition -
who'll just wake up early everyday;
talk to her daughters or nag at them in the morning;
watch us get ready for work;
send us out the door;
start her day with prayers;
moving on to chores ard the house (cleaning, washing, ironing);
have lunch alone;
occasionally go grocery shopping alone;
carry all the heavy groceries alone;
chat up with her sis or mum;
watch her soap operas in the late afternoon alone;
prepare dinner;
wait for her husband to come home;
cook dinner;
wash up;
watch some more tv;
wait for her daughters to come home;
say her prayers and go to bed.

yup. that pretty much sums up her life on a daily basis.
exciting isnt it?

i just want everything to turn out well.
mum to be happy with her op and the outcome - that she wont be in excruciating pain
that she'll be ok...
that the rest of us at home can get our act together and not have to clean up after one another.
it's time to show some "family spirit" ard here now.
above all, i just wish for mum to stay positive no matter what.
only we know how much courage it took for her to agree to this.

i must focus on the objective. and remain focused.

my family's the top priority right now and im not going to let anything change that.

Beyonce y Justin Timberlake - Single Ladies (Parodia)

funny stuff!!

Pass Me Not

have i neglected God?
i have.
has my faith waivered?
i hope not.

i found my daily Gospel underneath a pile of work papers & other booklets...
why should i only turn to God when i'm feeling down.
this is so hypocritical.

this song best describes how i'm feeling. it represents my thoughts.
i over it unto Him.

Pass me not, O gentle Savior,
Hear my humble cry;
While on others Thou art calling,
Do not pass me by.

Refrain:
Savior, Savior, Hear my humble cry;
While on others Thou art calling,
Do not pass me by.

Let me at Thy throne of mercy
Find a sweet relief,
Kneeling there in deep contrition;
Help my unbelief.

The Law of the Garbage Truck

How often do you let other people’s nonsense change your mood?
Do you let a bad driver, rude waiter, curt boss or an insensitive employee ruin your day?
Unless you’re the Terminator, you’re probably set back on your heels.

However, the mark of your success is how quickly you can refocus on what’s important.

Sixteen years ago I learned this lesson.
And I learned it in the back of a New York City taxi cab. Here’s what happened:

I hopped in a taxi, and we took off for Grand Central Station. We were driving in the right lane when all of a sudden a black car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us. My taxi driver slammed on his brakes, the car skidded, the tires squealed and at the last moment the car stopped just one inch from the other car’s back-end.

And what did we see next? The driver of the other car, the guy who almost caused a big accident, whipped his head around and he started swearing at us. How do I know? Ask any New Yorker, some words in New York come with a special face.

And then here’s what blew me away. My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. And I mean, he was friendly. So, I said, "Why did you just do that!? This guy could have killed us!" And this is when my taxi driver told me what I now call, "The Law of the Garbage Truck™"
He said: Many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it. And if you let them, they’ll dump it on you. So when someone wants to dump on you, don’t take it personally. Just smile, wave, wish them well and move on. Believe me. You’ll be happier.

So I started thinking, how often do I let Garbage Trucks run right over me?
And how often do I take their garbage and spread it to other people at work, at home or on the street? It was then that I said, "I don’t want the garbage and I’m not going to spread it anymore."

I began to see Garbage Trucks. Like in the movie "The Sixth Sense," where the little boy said, "I see Dead People." Well now "I see Garbage Trucks."
I see the load they’re carrying. I see them coming to drop it off. And like my taxi driver, I don’t take it personally; I just smile, wave, wish them well and move on.

The bottom line is that successful people do not let Garbage Trucks take over their day. What about you? What would happen in your life, starting today, if you let more Garbage Trucks pass you by?

And my taxi driver was right. I am happier.

it's all his fault

recent happenings has brought me to this conclusion.

as much as i understand the sense of belonging and the need to control, how much can you seriously control and watch over?
how much more problems/issues must you cause to understand that YOU are the real cause of everyone's confusion and increase in stress & workload?!
sure as hell doesn't take a genius to figure that out.

sigh. what a pain.

upset all the operations and cause us grief. replying emails that don't provide anything close to a solution.

as poor thing as i somehow think you are.
we are also victims of your "little" long staged play.

*shakes head and sighs at the same time* - over and over again

less drama

i am thankful for a stable and normal week thus far.
hardly any drama this week.

i conclude that the recipe to a productive and efficient person is when he/she is in a good mood - unaffected by external negative factors. of course, that is hardly possible no matter how resilient a person can try to be.

nevertheless, i am just glad that all is fine now.

feeling so tired. just need to sleep =.=

all the rain and wind is making me lazy, and also causing my shoulder to ache.
crappologies.